Breaking the Hiatus!

Oh my God. A week plus more till the major exam A2. I'm excited yet traumatized. I'm excited because I can't wait for it to be done and over with. And hopefully I will do excellent enough to be able to fly to Australia next year. Oh please oh please I can't bear staying for another semester! Free meee! I'm traumatized because I'm only half prepared and also because of the part of being afraid I uhmm.. let's just say I don't want to not be able to see Australia next year kay? I don't wanna jinx myself.

Nothing much happened today. Just went out for lunch with bro and wife in Uptown. Food there is great. Can't wait to be able to drive my sweetie there one day. Ps: I don't like it when workers stare. It's annoying.

Then off to Kota Damansara for my darling roomie Alia's open house. Most of my college mates were gone by the time I reached. Luckily there was Syaza, my bo. She calls me bim. So I call her bo. That makes us bimbo. HAHAHA. She used to be the number one bimbo. But apparently according to the likes of Alia and gang I displaced her which IS NOT FAIR! Oh well, since the definition of bimbo is pretty but an airhead, I'd be happy for the former. Heehee. But still Syaza is BOTH much more advanced than I am! Hellooooooo re-ranking pleaseeee!

Then, I went to Ikano to get my stationery. Anwar is so gonna get me for this. I finally announced to my mom I wanted to get a perm. Boyfie has been bugging me to get an Odette Yustman perm so I could be his personal Odette and he could drool all over me =_='' She was kinda okay which was surprising. I thought she was going to rupture into fits of nagging. But I think she still will once I get it. But eventually it would die away. So... HAHAHA. Will probably get my hair done once it's longer because it'll look short if I perm it now. Hopefully, I can surprise him.

Oh oh a very funny conversation went on between me and Anwar a few days ago.

Anwar: bla bla bla Cibai. [bla bla- can't remember what he said]
Mel : You called me WHAT?? [thank God he said it in a joking manner or I'd give him a tight slap]
Anwar: *giggles*
Mel: You do know what Cibai really means right?
Anwar: Yep.
Mel: Takpeeee how could you call me that. Fine, I'll call you the guy's version. Lan Ciao.
Anwar: Hi Cibai.
Mel: Imagine if I were to introduce you to people "Hey, this is my Lan Ciao" HAHAHA.
Anwar: Tu la. I'd say "This is my favourite Cibai"
Mel: OIII! How many Cibais you have laa??
Anwar: *Laughs* Nooo.. you are my only Cibai.
Mel: Eh that could be our pet names. I love you, Lan Ciao.
Anwar: I love you too, Cibai.

Note: For those who do not understand the terms Cibai and Lan Ciao. Cibai is a harsh word for a female's private part while Lan Ciao is for the male's. They are Chinese terms. Not sure if they are Cantonese or Mandarin.

Whoa. Wan Melissa Azleen actually swore the most that night. Not bad for a girl who rarely swears unless I'm really angry or in physical pain by knocking into completely opaque objects. Haha. But of course the pet names would NOT continue. We'd be the craziest vulgar couple alive!















The following text passage below is purposely hidden. Before highlighting, please do download "To Make You Feel My Love" by Kris Allen and listen while reading for atmospheric purposes. Haha. I dedicate this song to the one I love.


Sometimes I'd run out of ideas to show how much I love you. I'd beat myself up if I fail to let you feel the warmth of my love. If only you know how much I love you. I love you so much it aches me. I hope that one day you would stop comparing yourself with anyone else and believe that I genuinely love you from the bottom of my heart. I've never loved anyone this way. I don't think I even ever loved myself this way. You know that's true. I hope someday you'd stop comparing the fact that you were an affair and think I'd do the same to you. They are all bogus assumptions darling. I don't know how to convey to you that you are very different in my eyes. Only when I'm with you that I finally feel the real side of love. I'd put myself in front of a bullet for you. That's how much I love you. I love you in every genuine way. No sympathy, no just wanting a boyfriend because I'm lonely, no obligations. Despite all the tears, all the pricked thorns, all the angst-ridden drama, I love you beyond that to let my love for you tear into pieces. You saw through my naivety, my indecisiveness, my niceness beyond stupidity, you were harsh to make me stronger so I could stand up on my own two legs. You filled in the absence of my mum in those ways to help me protect myself. You pamper me like I'm your baby girl. Oh how much I love it I wish I could be both Maya and myself in the future. I love it when you need me. I love it when you say you love me in different ways. I will live every living day wishing you could hear my heartbeat and hear yourself in every beat.

Pressie!

This is a very pweety necklace baby gave me :D

Sho shweeet.

I came to class one day and he told me to check out my bag. I opened it and tadaaaaa..

I would leap on him and give him sloppy kishes but then it was the fasting month and we would be charged with PDA. Public Display of Affectioneee.. Hahahaha.

Awwwwwwwww thank you honeyyyy..

Look at the noteeeee.. It's cho cho twweeettt.. (wth? hahahaha)

For anyone who's visually lacking, here's what it says:

I love u Mellie. Hope this will bring out the shweetest smile from u. Like this! :)))

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Isn't he the sweetestttt?

Right now I'm hoping every Tom, Dick and Harry would come up to me and compliments it. And I'll proceed to brag.

"Aww.. Thank you. MY BOYFRIEND GAVE ME THISSSS!!" :D :D :D

Some already did. Heeee..

Heeehee. I'm ecstatic!

I bought him a Quicksilver pencil case during the mid-sem holidays but I realized I did not take a picture of it :( Sowiee..

I've been hunting for a pencil case for him because his old one looks....well, old. And I just pity looking at him struggling to search for things in his pencil case because it's so tight. Like a new undie that you buy and it clamps your butt when you first wear it. It's hard to even steal anything from his pencil case without getting your hand trapped inside XD

Heehee.

I just wanted to make it more special so I sewed "I love u" on the back. I'm not very good at sewing unlike my mom. She sews all of my baju kurung and hers every year. She's supermom! I actually pricked my finger while I was at it. Just like those corny cliche movies where the girl sews something special for her lover and you'll be like SHE'S-FREAKING-DEFINITELY-GONNA-PRICK-HER-FINGER-IT'S-SO-GOD-DAMN-OBVIOUS-EVERY-MOVIE-DOES-IT. I'm beginning to doubt family skills are inheritable. Sigh.

When I was done, I checked the back of the sewing and YES as expected it was god damn messy like the thread from the letter "I" would end up at "U". I mean like wth?? But but I cleverly covered it with my sticker name :D

Love you bloo.

Beauty and the BEAST!

Ohmygod!

Look at that BEAST! I was taking some stationery from my table and I didn't notice it. I only noticed it when I put the stationery back! And I had a split-second spasm, heart-attack, stroke all in one go.

I SERIOUSLY HATE INSECTS!

They creep the hell outta me. Send shivers down my spine at the mere sight of those fugly beings. GROSS! If there's any flying or non-flying insects in the room, I'd be the first to run around screaming my head off like a circus girl. Then, my lovely friends would shriek on purpose to freak me out even more. "Mel look! Behind you!"

And I'd scream so loud that I could tear down the Empire States building.

I mean look at that thing! It looks like some kind of bio project! A mutated insect! I'm entomophobic. which means I'm shit scared of insects! At first I thought it was plastic. Maybe Dayna or Alia wanted to pull a prank on me because they know of my phobia. And it looked very in between fake or very real. Since it didn't move, I left it there.

30 minutes later..

IT MOVED! Not that I saw it moved but I know IT MOVED. It was about an inch further in.

I concluded that it is not FAKE.

Then came Syaza, who took the ruler and picked on it. It flew a bit suddenly with quite a fluttering sound which made us scream like some bimbos. And which also woke Elle up. And then it never stopped moving. It was clearly woken up from its deep sleep because it was pacing up and down my lamp with its freaking kick-ass antennae that I swear to God look like twigs.

And then she left me and wished me good luck. Damn her. Lol. Damn you Ja!

No no it didn't end there. Baby boo called me and I whined and shrieked while he laughed at me. Darn you Anwar! Suddenly, he too shrieked and I swear to God I thought the insect somehow flew to him over the phone or something. Illogical, I know. But I lost all of my sanity back then. Apparently, Tottenham scored against Manchester United and that was why he shrieked. Yes thank you baby. I'm sure the thrilling news helped in my frantic moment. DOUBLE DARN YOU!

I watched as it crawled up the wall and I was still on the phone with baby. And then came my heartiest shriek. A big fat-ass lizard appeared out of nowhere from behind my study table. As soon as I shrieked it went back in. And then it came out again eying the mutant bug. I was like thinking "Are you serious Mr Lizard?? That's a huge BUG there and I don't think its big FAT ASS can fit into your mouth!" The second time the lizard came out, the bug dropped gracefully onto my pillow. Yes thank you. You helped a lot too Mr Lizard. I shall repay you with a nice spray of my aerosol fragrance some day.

I ran to Pah's room to ask for some help. Lyn was terrified too. Everyone who saw it said they have never seen anything like it. I'm beginning to suspect it's an undiscovered species of an insect. I'd send it to a bio lab to have a look but I scratched that off my mind considering the fact that I'd die of anxiety to even touch it. Let alone trying to package it. Eeeewwwwww.

Alas, Pah beat it off my pillow outside the balcony.

Hoorayyy!

Yeah, that's my night insect adventure. I'm all sweaty now from the ordeal. I shall go take my bath and pray I won't have to lay eyes on any more creepy crawlies for tonight.

Regrets

Sometimes things make me wonder.

I know this two people. A boyfriend and a girlfriend. He once said to her his no 1 biggest regret was letting his ex go. Ouch. I know. She told me she felt like bread crumbs. She felt that despite him telling her he loves her more than his ex, she felt like just a fungus on her big toe. She said she wasn't good enough. She could've said stuff that her ex did for her, but she knew better than to compare. She doesn't believe in comparison. She loves him for who he is and though she has expectations but never using her ex as her benchmark. But for him, he just lets it out. Though she was the one who made him tell his biggest regret but other things he told himself.

I mean I could understand I guess. For a boyfriend to tell his girlfriend his biggest regret was to let his ex go, it's like indirectly suggesting his new girlfriend wasn't good enough. Despite how much she tries to show she loves him. Imagine if he regrets letting his ex go, that means he's saying he'd rather still be with his ex then and obviously wouldn't have gotten together with his current girlfriend right? Usually people would say "If this didn't happen, it wouldn't have brought me to you. I wouldn't be together with you, the person I love so much"

It has been months but the girlfriend tells me she's still haunted by it. And by everything else he said to her. Of course she feels all this silently. He wouldn't understand, she said. She reminisces word by word and their fights especially their biggest fight yet recently every night before she sleeps. Sometimes tears would burn her pillow. How heart-wrenching.

Yet so many times, she felt so attached that she constantly wants to text him to tell him how she feels, most of the time he doesn't reply. And he still says she doesn't show him how much he meant to her. How much she needed him. He almost wants her to get down on her knees and cry to prove it which she almost did literally.

He could stand his ex for 3 years. For him to say he couldn't stand her for a mere 8months, she must be terrible to him.



I feel for her. So much.

DOOM DOOM

I'm forced to concede that..

I DREAD GOING BACK TO COLLEGE TOMORROW. GAAAAHHHH.

I DOWAAANNN.

*Stomp stomp*

Imma tie myself to my bed. Though come to think of it, my bed frame scarcely has anywhere you can tie something to, let alone a 104pounds of bimbo-tic human being.

Oh yes I've lost 2kgs! Nyehe. I love my metabolism. If I were to gain weight it would never exceed 50 and I could lose weight fairly easily. No exercise. No diet. Okay maybe just cut down on snacks. But don't try this at home. This may not work for everyone. So if you wonder why your weighing scale hasn't gone down but you followed meticulously to my "healthy lifestyle" don't blame me.

RIGHT. Back to my rantings!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa no want go back college. Omg just thinking about the workload and exam in less than 2months is mentally abusive. But but if I were to pass, I could fly by next year. YES!

Earlier, I preferred being in college because I could run away from my mom nagging me all day long. It's like her hobby. Funny how moms like stuff like gardening or baking, she just loves nagging. I have to try not to make mistakes or else she'd kill me ever so viciously. No matter how I prepare a front line of infantry, or janissary or mortars, OH MY GOD she brings in her best weapon of all. Her nagging. Poof there goes my army. Maybe the Soviet Army should bring in moms instead of nuclear.

But now, I want my mommyyy.. :( I want my bedddddd. My air-condddd. My toiletttt. Toilet sounds so barbaric. I want my bathroooomm.

Despite being quite lonely at home, well because I have no siblings I could talk to or chase around the house and also because someone rarely reply my smses, I find my solitude pleasannttt. I got so worked up with studies and homework that I started talking to myself as in explaining to myself verbally about what I study. Omg I'm crazy. But but it worked. I understand better. I find that it helps the communication between myself and my brain. Heehee.

Omg I tentatively agree that I'm screwed up. @_@

Tentatively. Heee

Boo!

I'm like so fuh-reeking bored.

I was so motivated to come down to read but the boyfriend wanted to "chill" in his dorm. Boohoo.

A bit upset but didn't wanna make a big fuss. So yeah.

He's god damn lucky.

Anyhoo, at least I got passersby to humour me. I was online by the stairs in the dark because I could not get a line at the study area. I was neatly hidden behind a wall at the corner of the stairs. I heard footsteps and..

*chatter chatter* *passes by the corner*

Passerby 1: Astarghfirullahalazim. Terkejut akuu!
Passerby 2: ALLAH! Melissa! Apa duduk-duduk kat sini? Nasib baik tak terpijak!
Passerby 3: Ahhhh! Mel! You scared me.
Passerby 4: (same person as passerby 2) ALLAH! Kat sini lagi? Dengan lampu laptop kat muka. Takut la!

And a few more. At first it wasn't funny. Then when I realized each and every person who passed by me mistakened me for some supernatural chick :D, I started giggling to myself. Heee heee heeee.

Boy am I bored. :( Darn Anwar.

Anyway, still saddened :( Makes me regret for being a fucking procrastinator and slave to my own lust. Could've done so much better. I missed by one fucking point from getting full points! I think I lack iron. I read it in the newspaper. That's why I was constantly tired last semester. And inevitably made me a big fat lethargic ass. Gah.

Coming back to college last Sunday, I was watching the moving scenery. I saw a nice green landscape at Lake Garden. I imagined the both of us lying down on the grass, laughing at life and then turn to lock stares, looking deep into each other's eyes. I imagined cuddling with him on blue ocean beach at night looking at the stars. I imagined travelling places with him I've never been to. Just me and him. Without my parents nor his.

He got full points. And the chance to possibly go to UK if Mara doesn't go bankrupt sending 70 over people to UK. I missed by 1 point and I may have to just go to Australia.

I pray hard each night. I never miss a prayer. I need guidance from Him. I need strength. I feel closer to Him now.

The heart aches.

I dread separation. I dread it so bad.

Notice!

If you are puzzled about how somehow my blog has taken you back into time, worry not!

I'm just up to something.

*evil grin*

Been deleting some stupid posts.

For something new. Hope I'll get to it soon :)